Monday, May 17, 2010

Calling him out

Our local paper has a motto, If you don't want it printed, don't let it happen. 

Basically, if you don't want people to know about what you're doing, you shouldn't be doing it.

I'm amazed at people who are found out for doing bad and then have the nerve to get mad at the person they blame for letting the cat out of the bag.  I mean, c'mon.

Years ago, I had a guy get mad at me, stop speaking to me for over six months, because I unknowingly let one of his girlfriends (later to become his ex-wife) know that contrary to what he was telling her (how was I supposed to know and even if I knew, so what?), he was still seeing another one of his girlfriends.  Umm, you're stepping out and lying about it but you're mad at me?

Of course, this here is a bit different because it's hardly inadvertent.  I know that I'm putting something out there that someone likely won't want me sharing.  And I'm doing it anyhow.  Again, if you don't want people to know about it, . . .

To his credit, Rachel's dad, upon my request, sent a monthly check to help defray Rachel's expenses.  Now, he didn't send what I asked for, the amount never changed in over 15 years and it was less than a court would have set but the check did come every month.  Until this past February.  Please note that Rachel's 18th birthday was at the end of January.  So, boom, that's it.  All parental responsibility ends the second the child turns 18, right?

In another example of stellar parenting, Rachel just found out today that her father will not be attending her high school graduation.  And she only found out today because she finally worked up the nerve to call him to ask.  This after he promised last August that he'd be there.

I apologized to Rachel the other day for my poor choices.  She wants/needs to ask him if he'll be helping with college and doesn't know how to approach him.  I don't even know how to begin to help her with that one.

I'm just sayin' . . .

3 comments:

Susan said...

Wow. I do feel for Rachel. I also firmly believe that though the courts might end parental responsibilities middle and upper class families can be expected to support a child financially beyond the 18th birthday. I just hate that some parents, usually fathers, skirt this and hide.

I'm furious that he won't be there at her graduation. That's terrible. I think your paper has a good policy. Keeping things secret just allows bad behavior to grow and spread.

Leah said...

Bridget:

As someone who has witnessed this drama unfold before and since Rachel's birth, it really hurts my heart that he feels his parental responsibility ends at 18, when really for him it never begun. You were extremely generous in allowing him to write a cheque in such a miniscule amount each month, and he never took the opportunity to rise above it when she ever needed it. Your family has always shouldered that "burden", a word I hate to use, because I know they did so lovingly, but he was very fortunate in being able to evade many bills you could have and should have subjugated him to accept as her father. So he really was fortunate. As a lawyer, you could have held him to a much higher standard and took him by the you know what!

As for Rachel, if she does not think she has the courage to address him via phone and if she will not see him this summer, perhaps she can write a letter with all of her thoughts in it and asking him to accept financial responsibility for some of her educational expenses, might be appropriate and help her free herself of whatever is on her chest. She could send the letter with return receipt, if necessary. He is such a coward and there are days when...I will continue the rest of this conversation in person. I love you and Rachel so much and am so upset by this. Is his mother coming? What does she think of her son? I wonder...

Is there anything in the law which insists he must keep her on his health insurance until she is 25?

SonyaHer雅嵐 said...

不要把生命看得太嚴肅,反正我們不會活著離開。.........................